The Lull Before...

So we are plugging along in this new year...

M.C. turned 6 and had a very fun birthday party with friends from kindergarten and our neighborhood. He still struggles with life in many ways, but we are hopeful that this will be a big year for him.

We have settled into a very loving church that both Chris and I enjoy being part of. For so many years, I felt like I mostly went to church to support Chris. At times he played in the worship band more often than he could sit with me in a service. So everything else rested on my shoulders - getting the kids there (however many we had), and both of our boys had fairly severe separation anxiety early on. It was years before I could leave G.J. in the nursery or children's program, and not get called 10 minutes later to go comfort my hyperventilating son! M.C. was similar, but moved out of it quicker. And for over a year I pulled up in our van, unbuckled kids from car seats, and tried to keep track of 4 running kids as well as the one in my arms until we could at least get in the front door. So some days, I wasn't sure what I was doing, and if it really was the best thing.

So this is a church that I am watching Chris unfolding his music-ministry gifts again, but this time, our kids love their program, and I love the service and the people. It isn't stressful to go, and I can actually feel God speaking to me again. It is a good place to be.

We had hoped to expedite E.'s adoption to be able to get her on the waiting list for her surgery, but that hasn't been successful. So we are trying to patiently wait for her court date in 3 weeks. If she passes, Chris and his mom can make travel dates and we can decide if G.J. is going with them. We can also plan out the next couple of months before the baby is born. If her case doesn't pass (and many don't on the first try), then it is pretty likely that Chris won't be able to go get her before the baby. It is pretty hard to not have any idea which way things will go, but I am trying to trust that since my Father was in charge of the timing of things up until this point, that He can handle determining the timing of things this spring :).

So we are in a bit of a lull. Since we have added kids before, I know very well about those moments in the first few weeks that I am kicking myself for not enjoying the calm before they came. I intend to spend as much quality time with the boys as I can right now. I am resting much more than I normally allow myself. I know I will need it pretty soon. I am trying to take things in stride, because worrying never helps. We are going out and doing things more than usual, because we know how little ones change our ability and energy to do fun things as a family. And I'm trying to enjoy time with Chris.

For the last 6 years, when a child or sibling group has come to our family, we knew there would be an end down the road (with the exception of one girl we set out intending to adopt). We knew that in the middle of the craziness of adjusting, that we would have some breathing space again one day. Since these two kids are staying forever, which I am very excited about, I am also trying to treasure these last couple of months that we are a family of four. We have weathered many storms together. And in a few months we will have permanent new members, and things will never be quite the same.

So on some days I am so anxious about our adoption/court timeline, and the birth of this 3rd little boy. And sometimes I long to hold our little E. and to see our baby's face for the first time, so deeply it hurts. But I'm trying to catch myself and trying to enjoy this lull, which will never come again...