"...if you spend yourselves in behalf of the hungry and satisfy the needs of the oppressed, then your light will rise
in the darkness, and your night will become like the noonday." Isaiah 58:10
So in 17 days, Chris, Chris' mom Margie, and G.J. will be on a plane to Ethiopia! We are all so excited for them to meet our little E. She has no idea of all the changes coming to her little life, or how much we have been longing to have her physically fill her place in our family. The tickets have been purchased, but other than that, in our usual style, nothing else has been done :)
Unfortunately between now and then we also have our 10th anniversary, Chris' birthday, Mother's Day, lots of baseball games, and a memorial service back home. How are we going to squeeze in a trip to Africa to pick up a precious new daughter???!!! We'll make it all work, we always do...
As I think about this next phase we are about to start - of helping a little girl feel secure in her new family (not to mention how Ethiopia will change Chris, Margie, and G.J.'s hearts), I decided to steal this Matthew West video from a good friend's blog (hope you don't mind, Kimberly!).
The words to his song, ring so true to how I'd like to live my life. I get so frustrated with myself when I feel like I'm "going through the motions". I expect so much more of myself. I'm looking forward to the conversations Chris and I will have after he experiences Ethiopia. Who knows what may come next?
We are enjoying life these days. Things are a bit back to normal, yet different. The boys are back to baseball practices, and I can drive again.
But we have this little boy that now goes with us everywhere. I'm not working, so M.C. gets to come home right after kindergarten, which he is really enjoying. J.T. is a pretty good sleeper, so I'm only up once or twice a night with him.
We have 3 weeks until Chris, G.J., and Chris' mom leave for Ethiopia. We're trying to savor this time with our family of 5, because in 3 weeks we will be 6!
Here are some pictures of the last couple of weeks.
Everything is off but the monitors!!
First view of little brother through NICU door at 5 days old.
J.T. is doing so well. He was done with his bilirubin light belt Wed. morning, and is now a healthy, growing newborn! He is such fun to be around. There seem to be some benefits to having a baby in my 30's. I was 25 and 27 the last two times. Then you could add our experiences with 2 long-term foster kids that came to us as babies. Chris and I are so much more experienced, secure, and relaxed this time around! J.T. will benefit from previous stress and mistakes I'm sure. :)
As for me, birthing just isn't my gift and I am secure in that knowledge :) I thought maybe I'd served my time in complicated births, but apparently God has LOTS to teach Chris and me.
Yesterday was a wonderful morning. Just J.T and me. At noon I started to feel sick. 15 minutes later I was laying on the couch shaking, holding the baby. All I could manage was to call Chris, who fortunately was on his break at a training near-by, and answered the phone. By then I was scared I was going into shock. He raced home, and not long after, I was taking an ambulance ride back to the hospital. I was really sick, but the fever and abdominal pain didn't set in until I was in the emergency room. The doctor began ruling out what might be wrong, and they decided on a post-birth uterine infection, which is immediately treatable.
So I'm hoping that is what it is, and so thankful it set in quickly enough to scare me. If it had just been abdominal pain, I probably would have gone for quite awhile thinking it was "normal" post-birth stuff.
So we're taking it easy today, and I'm hoping this is truly the last scary episode with J.T.'s birth!
So after a long night, on Easter morning, J.T.'s nurse told me that his bili count was up, and she didn't know what the doctor would want to do! Ahhh!
I stumbled my way back up to my room, taking a break on the way. I sat in my room and then decided that if the doctor was going to tell me we were in for another night, he'd have to tell this mom in person. So I made my way back down, stopping in the bathroom to dry my tears and compose myself.
I sat next to little sleeping J.T. waiting... Then the doctor came in and told me that with a few conditions, he would release him!! I would have agreed to anything at that point.
So for Easter, J.T. and I got to come home!!!
He got to see his brothers in person for the first time. He got to go outside for the first time. And we got to be home together as a family of 5 for the first time. We all adore this funny little guy. I honestly am not sure how we got along without him.
His jaundice has gotten worse, but so far we are able to treat him at home. Chris and I will do just about anything to keep him out of the hospital again (no offense to great hospitals and staff - I just don't want to go through it again with this kid).
So we are adjusting to sleepless nights and a crying baby. I'm finally able to recover myself. It was a bit surreal to go outside yesterday for the first time since that fated ultrasound a week ago. I felt like my whole life had changed, but everything else had carried on without us.
Here are Chris and I holding little J.T.'s hands on Wednesday.
It has been quite a week! I finally got to hold J.T. Thursday night, tubes and all. It took about that long to get used to seeing him like that. The first time is horrible, and after that it gets easier. It's funny when you can look back and realize that your "normal" now, was once your nightmare.
The next day, on Good Friday, everything changed in little J.T.'s life. Early in the day, the staff took off his breathing tubes for an hour. His oxygen levels went down, and everything went back on. I was there at 2:00 for the next trial run. They took out everything but his feeding tube, and I got to hold him again. - This time, though, was the first time I could actually look at him, hair and all. He did great and the feeding tube came out for a trial run at 5:00. I got to try nursing him, then gave him a bottle, the feeding tube went back in, but this time for the very last time. Since 8:00 that night he has been off of everything except monitors!! I'll post before and after pictures once we get them off the camera!
Thank you to everyone for the emails, calls, and visits. And especially the prayers. Our church had a healing service Friday night, and I know that J.T. was prayed for. I don't believe it is a coincidence that he had such a fast recovery on Good Friday.
Our pastor has talked about seasons in life that we enter into simply for love. That at those times we walk knowingly into difficult circumstances with the only goal to love someone else. To care for a dying loved one, would qualify. Childbirth always does too. I know so many people who have walked through that kind of season for a their child. Whether it is recovery from an accident, cancer, prematurity, adoption, so many people choose love at any cost for their child. It changes you in ways you could never imagine. Jesus entered into that kind of love on Good Friday, when He died for us all. Chris and I are now in that season for J.T.
We took over his care on Good Friday. That night we went over for all of his feedings, diaper changes, etc. all through the night. Our plan was that the doctor would be so shocked at his progress the next morning, that we could take him home with us. The doctor wasn't quite ready. Although, J.T.'s needs were not as serious as many babies in the NICU, it is still not normal to come around so quickly. The doctor wanted to see another stable night. So the hospital found another room for us so we could continue J.T.'s care.
Chris and I decided he would go home with the boys so they could have an Easter morning at home. So I am doing a second night here. But this time I am farther away. To get to him, I have to go down the hall, down an elevator, down another hall, up another elevator, then down another hall to the NICU. And all of this, 4 days post surgery!
But I believe that this kid is worth it. I have lots of time for my recovery. This is his only chance at his first week of life. So, although I am exhausted, and every muscle aches, and I could go on... I love watching little J.T. open his eyes and seem surprised to see the lady and man who keep coming back when he cries. He seems to be saying "wow, they sure seem to like me". That makes all of this worth it. Cuz I love this little guy.
So here is me, in labor, yesterday about 10:10am (in between contractions of course)...
And here is Chris, me, and baby J., about 2:10pm (4 hours later)...
Isn't he cute !! (Actually, yes, both of them :)
We've had quite the whirlwind here in Portland. I had an ultrasound early yesterday to measure the size of this kid. Based on that, all the doctors involved recommended a C-section to avoid what we went through with M.C.'s birth. But at the same time, I realized that I was also already IN LABOR with this little guy. So decisions had to be made quickly, and out he came. He is perfectly beautiful, and different than both our boys.
The only issue is that his breathing was very labored after birth. About 2 hours after he was born he was taken into ICU, and has remained there since. Everyone anticipated he would transition and turn around quickly once there, but that hasn't quite happened. He is in great hands, but it has been hard. I haven't gotten to hold him yet (besides a few minutes when he laid on me in recovery). He is not far from my room, so we can visit. But he is hooked up to a lot of "stuff" and uncomfortable, and that has taken awhile to get used to.
It is hard not having him here with me. I cherished my hospital time with my first two boys. I had lots of it with complicated births, but they were both the most special times in my life. - When all I had to do was bond with my brand-new child. So I am sad that I won't have that special time with this little one, and at some point he and I will need to make up for lost time. At this point it looks like he may not be able to go home with us, and that will be very hard.
We would all appreciate your prayers for little J. to breathe well on his own!! I will post again when we have more news.
G.J. turned 8 today. When I look at him, I can't believe how old he is. Yet, at the same time, I really can't remember what life was like before he joined our family.
He is such a special kid. I feel so honored to be able to watch him grow into the man he will be. I have always felt God's presence in this kid, and the older he gets, the more excited I am to see what and who he will be.
It was really nice to be able to share the day with him. Last year I was in Ethiopia, and all I was able to manage was an email that he got when he woke up - it was the first contact I was able to have with home because of power rationing, and the internet being down. Then, this year there was a chance that Chris and G.J. would be able to get E. this week in Ethiopia. It would have been nice to know that she was on her way home, but I am glad that G.J. and I weren't separated for 2 years in a row on this special day - our day...
It is also so interesting to reflect back on April '01 and how incredibly Chris and I changed with the arrival of our little boy. Now, eight years later, we are preparing at the exact same time of year to add another little guy to our lives. It feels so long ago, and we feel so much older this time around. Yet it is still breathtaking to imagine another little boy joining us in the next couple of weeks...
I will never forget how excited G.J. was when we told him about this new baby. He loves little kids and is very good with them. He wanted the baby to be a sister, so now many months later, he is excited to have a new little brother AND a little sister. They couldn't be luckier to have G.J. for a big brother!
We had a fun night of pizza, presents, and ice cream. It is such fun to celebrate him since he has often taken to the sidelines in our busy, crazy family constellations. And now he is 8 !
