So Much to Say...

We have been home 2 weeks now. It has flown by, but also seems like forever ago that we were in Ethiopia.

I have no idea where to start. This adoption is so different from our last. There are so many more layers involved because of the girls' ages. There is so much more that I feel protective about. I'm not sure where the lines are about what is okay to share publicly. This isn't just my story, or Chris and my story. It is theirs - possibly even more. I've been tempted to end this blog with their arrival. (It doesn't help that blogger has some changes, and for some reason I can't log into my blog anymore! I can only get in by clicking on a link when someone responds to a post. So if I disappear completely, that is is what happened). I'm just unsure how to proceed, and how to have a family blog with older kids, whose friends all have access to the information!

So I don't know how this will all work out long-term. But for right now, I'm coming to the conclusion that our story needs to be told, somehow. There are older kids aging out of orphanages and transition centers everyday. If we can encourage even a few people to take this leap, and take a chance on changing a young person's future forever, then it is worth it to me to try to figure out a way to protect my kids, and still tell our story.

So let me sort this out over the next couple of days, and then I promise pictures and updates for everyone that is trying not to hound me. :)

We are doing great overall. I always tell the families I work with that the first 2 weeks of placement are the absolute hardest. Post-placement panic is real, and can affect everyone in different ways. And then there is the grief factor, and language barrier, and cultural differences, and the hard work of becoming a new family that is a bit different from what everyone knew before. That is where we are at.

This is different than a younger child adoption. And by younger, I mean 10 and under. It is deeper, more confusing, and in some ways scarier for all of us. Our girls can cook, and we are committed that they often have food that is familiar to them. They are fluent in their native language, Amharic, and we are committed to it always remaining their first language. Our phone rings off the hook with calls from friends around the country. It means a lot to Chris and I to see their faces light up at the familiar voice of friends they shared their lives with.

Lots of the attachment advice we treaded through with E.R., just doesn't seem to apply in this adoption, with our teenage girls. They needed school quickly, and jumped in. They need old friends, and deeply need new ones as well. Yes, I'm all for grieving and making sure there is space for that, but at their ages, they also need joy, and memories, and new adventures. So Chris and I are formulating our own attachment philosophy for way-older kids. It is much less clear than the theories we are used to, and much more interesting to think about in so many ways.

With E.R.'s adoption, we were an American family, committed to embracing Ethiopian culture in our family. With this adoption, we are becoming a sort of blended Ethiopian-American family. Since we are committed to the girls keeping their Amharic, the girls speak Amharic to each other and to their friends. The hard part of that is that the rest of us are left out of their intense joy, humor, and probably sadness. The things that are too hard to translate in the moment. But we are getting used to that. And I enjoy seeing their lively expressions, when they can talk to each other, and not have to think about how to say something. They can just "be". And they both need that right now.

So we are great. And this is hard. It is hard in ways I was prepared for, and in ways I wasn't . And we love both these girls so much more deeply than we could have imagined.

Oh Yeah! It's Official...We are a LARGE family.

We know many large families through our adoption agency. And I mean LARGE. A friend of mine has 11 kids, and rumor has it is working on another one. Then there are other families who probably can't remember a family that small. They have up over 20 kids. These are all adoptive families, and many of them also have a few birth kids too.

But in our community of 1-2 kids per family, we already felt very out-of-place with 4. When people hear we are about to have 6, the look of shock is usually the same. And "speechless" is really the only word to describe their response. I try to smile to myself, and reflect on the email I just got from an amazing lady who was getting her 16 kids still at home, ready for school, while starting a new job. I'm sure her grandchildren could populate a small school. I breathe in and out, and realize that I have nothing to fear. Six should be a piece of cake.

We still fit in a normal size, (now) 4 bedroom home, and we can all fit at our (already large) dining room table. But the one thing that will set apart the "large" family from the LARGE family is their vehicle size. Chris and I spent months researching our options. I am a small car person. My first car was a Sprint, and my second was an Aspire. I know I'll never be able to afford a real sportscar, but the little cars make me feel like I can. Chris likes vans and would still be driving a Vanagon if we could keep one running. But he always swore we would never drive a group home van again (we met working in a group home driving a big diesel van full of people). We looked at every possibility for an 8-9 passenger SUV or van. But with the combination of need for car seats, and space for high school bodies, we realized that those days of "normal" size vehicles are over for us. We tried desperately to find a 12 passenger van we could afford. But it wasn't to be. We kept coming back to the car lot down the street from our house, where they had a 15 (no, that wasn't a typo) passenger Chevy in our least favorite color. White is great for a car, and we had a white Mazda MPV we loved. But the big vans in white just scream "GOVERNMENT COMMUTER"!

But it has a good engine, and Chris likes the sliding door since it slides open to reveal a space big enough for 3 of us to move in and out at the same time. It has running boards to help us heft little ones into car seats, and after looking at what felt like hundreds of options, I'm trying to convince Chris that it actually looks sporty.

So we will now cruise into the school, church, and our local Dairy Queen in a BIG van. But to be honest, I actually really like driving it. It has lots of power, lots of room, and I swear - drives kinda sporty! We'll never be able to afford a boat or a trailer, but if we could, we'd now be able to tow it...

We broke it in by taking it for a road trip up to Bellingham and Blaine, WA, and we all fell in love with it. It's like having our own apartment to take with us wherever we go. The main drawback so far is that it is so wide that when we are driving in it, Chris and I are so far apart, it's hard to actually see him.

And Finally, Introducing Our New Girls!

On July 21, 2010, Chris and I became the parents of our new Ethiopian daughters F. and E. We don't know yet what they would like to do about their names, specifically their middle names, so for the next few months, I'll call them F. and E.

This is F., our beautiful new teenager. She is kind, thoughtful, very intelligent, artistic, and has a very deep faith. Chris and I are so excited to have the chance to spend her important teenage years with her, and to be the ones to help her sort through her past, and decide about her future. If we had waited much longer, she would have aged out of the adoption world. But God's timing is perfect, and she is the new leader of our kid clan! We have heard from so many people who know her, and everyone has told us how incredibly special she is. I didn't know it was possible to love someone so deeply that you've never met. I'm jealous of Chris for his chance to spend time with her a year ago, and can't wait for my chance in September. Isn't she beautiful?



























































And here is E. This girl is one of those people that you meet and you never forget. She has a gentle, quiet strength. But her sense of humor and joy is contagious. She looks at the world with trust and hope. We are honored to be her parents, and excited to see what she does with the amazing spirit and life she has been given. I can't express how excited I am to hug this girl again after almost 2 1/2 years. She has grown up since I said good-bye to her then, and I don't want to lose any more time with her! We have been told by her friends that she loves little kids and gum. We should be able to accommodate both!






























































We are excited to get to know each of our girls, and also so happy that they will remain together.

















Here is a picture of the girls as they opened their welcome bags from us (gifts, letter, and Oregon T-shirts). The girls had already been told we were adopting them, but this is sort of the official day when they heard it directly from us! It was a very big day for them. And a very special picture for us to receive as we saw them opening the bags we had packed with so much care and love. I hope they could feel it all.

Preparing for the Girls

We have a confirmed embassy date of September 22! I cannot wait. But we have so much to do before then. This adoption was so smooth and quick that it caught us a bit unprepared...

Chris finished his first semester of his doctorate program last Friday. He really enjoyed it, but I think in the middle of all that we have going on, he is glad for the break from school.

He is working hard to build the new bedroom downstairs. We bought beds and dressers. He and his dad ripped out the old carpet in our downstairs, and we bought the new laminate that will go down there. It will be beautiful compared to how it looked before. We will have another bedroom, and still have room for a family room too. It will be perfect.

We're van shopping. And cleaning out and fixing up our minivan to sell. And gathering clothes, and trying to think of all the other things that need to be done in preparation for the girls.

Chris and I are going back and forth about how many of us will go. As of today we are thinking it will be Chris and me, and Gabe and Matt. But we still have a few weeks to decide. It's Matt's turn to go, but Gabe wants to go back so badly, that we are taking that into consideration. The other thing that is different about this time around is that Gabe is losing his place as the oldest of our clan. That is also weighing in on our decision.

We've decided to use the adoption medicine clinic at OHSU this time around. We have a great pediatrician that worked out very well for E.R.'s transition. But because of our older girls' ages, now we are thinking of using the adoption medicine clinic for their transition, and then having them use my doctor after that. It's a little weird to start going to a pediatrician when you're in high school. Plus, most likely we may need to consider changing the girls ages from what their new birth certificates say, and we hope the OHSU clinic can help us with that.

As usual, we have lots going on, and just over 6 weeks until we leave!

We still have a family camp to go to for Free Methodists (our denomination), and we're determined to make it up to visit our old town in Washington before the trip to Ethiopia. We have friends up there that we really need to see, and we know that things will be so much busier as we are transitioning the girls into school down here.

I have had the awesome chance in the last few days to spend time with 3 recently adopted Ethiopian teenagers. The kids and their families are amazing, and it is so incredible to think that in 7 weeks our girls will be part of our family!

I'll try to keep up on this blog better as we are getting closer!!

ENOUGH

So if anything could yank me out of a work-induced hiatus from blogging, it would be the current media frenzy around Russian adoptions.

Yes, we have been busy, and happy, and enjoying birthdays, and I am working lots. But that is for another post.

Today I need to tell my thoughts to anyone who still checks this blog.

As the media, and probably much of the world, debates adoption, and American parents, and one-way plane tickets, and reactive attachment disorder, and adoption agencies, I have something else to say...

It is WAY TOO EASY to blame agencies, and bad parenting, and disturbed kids, and the ethics of moving kids to a new country. The adoption agency I work for has a policy against speaking publicly about another agency's situation. I agree with that, and I'll extend for myself that I won't speak publicly about another parent either. It is too easy to judge with 0 information.

I received a newsletter from RainbowKids.com and the editor Martha Osborne, has very insightful things to say about her take on the current situation. It is the first time I've heard someone put words to my thoughts, and she has pulled me from my blogging slumber to put my thoughts into words. Check out the website if you aren't familiar with it.

The current Orphan Count Number has grown to 163,000,000 children living without parents. So I want to see the media and the international political community voice some outrage about that!

Yes, there will always be orphans. Tragedy, accidents, and disease will always be with us. But in this world where some people get wealthier and healthier, there is no reason for this number to be growing exponentially.

Let's see some outrage about the fact that so many kids are living throughout the world in unspeakable institutional situations. The research has been done, fellow world. There are incredibly deep medical, psychological, developmental, and spiritual, lifelong effects of living in these places for the world's children.
We know without a doubt that housing children in large numbers, without adequate nutrition, minimal adult supervision and interaction, no chance to be outside, and no one who loves YOU, is BAD for kids and the adults they will become.

If you have ever traveled and experienced the difference in orphanage care you know what I'm talking about. Some places are okay for kids for a short time. The best places might be considered good places for a short time. There are many people doing their best to care for children with limited resources, and providing the best care they can. I'm talking about the rest.

So instead of judging whether international adoption is the "right" thing to do, or judging whether agencies educate parents enough, or whether parents should or shouldn't parent tough kids in ways you wouldn't parent your own, let's DO something for the 163,000,000 children who have no voice or choice.

Do your own research. If you don't like adoption, then make some changes in disease, access to vaccines and birthing medical care. Deal with extreme poverty, and stigma about physical disabilities, and women's rights over their safety, bodies, and their children. Spend some time in an orphanage - a "good" one, and also a "bad" one. Make the changes that need to happen so that kids grow up in families instead of warehouses.

It is a tragedy EVERY TIME a teen walks out of an institution into a world of crime, prostitution, poverty, and hopelessness. Many end their own lives, and the rest make choices no one should have to consider.

And then there are the kids who never make it to an institution. They grow up on the streets, or with their siblings in a village, or as servants to extended family. These children also face hunger, abuse, and hopelessness. Their walls are not made out of brick or plaster or mud. The walls that keep them from what they could become, are the ones that we continue to allow.

So yes, in this country of privilege and endless rights, people can make the choice to turn away. 163,000,000 might be too much to think about, so it is easier to blame and go on with life.

I don't think it would take the whole world to change things. Just ENOUGH people. ENOUGH people to say "no way, not on my watch, it is ENOUGH".

Let's figure out a way to get the world's leaders to care enough to make some changes. Disease, third world debt, education on what kids need and deserve in childhood, families to step forward and say "we're WILLING, and IT IS ENOUGH".

I don't have the answers to 163,000,000 childrens' questions. And at some point, I'll probably delete this post, and return to the role of adoptive parent who chooses not to offend for the sake of the few kids who might have a chance at adoption. But today I am thoughtful, and angry enough to say,

"ENOUGH!"

Walking !

By now, I'm sure no one is surprised when I say that E.R. took her first steps on her own yesterday. Three days after getting her leg, and probably the 5th time she had practiced with it.

We were practicing out in the cul-de-sac and G.J. (who is a Pop-It lover) had a big Pop-It he was popping in front of E.R. (who is also a Pop-It lover). She got so excited that she pulled her hands out of mine and covered her mouth in an exaggerated giggle. I looked down in surprise as she stood steady on her own!

Our neighbors were with us and very excited for her. I cautiously let her take a few tipsy steps, and then she took off down the street! I caught her as she was falling after stepping into the curb. She walked up our short driveway, and we went inside to take a break.

The funny thing is that all of us watching were waiting for her to realize that she was WALKING! But she didn't seem phased by it all (which is not her usual personality - she can get excited over anything and nothing). But this was different. It was like all this energy that had been lying dormant in our little girl since her surgery 10 weeks ago, busted out. And she walked as if she knew she always would when she had the chance.
Here E.R. is dancing. She loves to dance, and it has been 2 1/2 months! Unfortunately she is still learning to maneuver her legs. Her prosthetic foot got caught in the crack in the deck board, and she fell, flying right out of her prosthetic leg that was caught tightly in the crack! She was spread-eagle on the deck and looked at me with concern, while I calmly unwrenched her precious new leg and said, "oops!".

Prosthetic Appointment #2 - Jan. 27

So today turned out to be the day Chris and I have waited for over 14 months, and E.R. has waited way longer.

E.R. had her regularly scheduled check with her surgeon in the afternoon. But in the morning we got a call from Shriners that the prosthetic lab was working on her leg all day, and MIGHT be done by her appointment time, and that we should stop by. I was warned not to get my hopes up, but of course that had already happened!

A few hours later I realized that I hadn't gotten E.R. shoes for the fitting yet, since I had thought we still had a week. So E.R., J.T. and I rushed to the shoe store. I didn't really know what to get except that they had to be as flat as possible, so we bought four pairs that looked like they would work, and I decided to let our prosthetist choose what would be best for our girl to learn to walk in.

So I packed extra snacks and toys for J.T. as I remembered how long we were in the prosthetic lab last time. We headed into Shriners after school and when we were checking in, I was told that our prosthetist had come looking for us about 20 minutes before. No one knew what it meant!

So we did our regular appointment, and of course all of the snacks were gone by the end of that, and then headed around the corner. We waited in the reception area, and the coordinator said "I haven't heard yet!" By now I'm starting to think that it isn't ready and no one wants to break the bad news. We waited for what seemed like forever. Then our prosthetist came out and said she had just checked, and it was DONE.

You know those feelings you have sometimes when you realize that your whole life just changed in the last moment, and nothing will be the same ever again? Well that's what I had when I heard the word "done".

So she brought in E.R.'s new leg, and began to work to get it to fit. E.R. still has lots of swelling, so it was a bit of a challenge. But finally it was on, and E.R. was up standing straight and tall for the first time in her life! I took pictures and then put the camera down so I could help the girl walk. I wanted so badly for Chris to be there, but it all happened too fast for us to plan well.



Holding tightly on to one of us with both hands, she was able to walk around the room and into the hall. She would have walked her little self right out of Shriners, but we had to bring her back to check her leg. Her leg looked okay after the walking, except for that darn open wound. It oozed out onto the sock, and our prosthetist told me would really have to watch that, and not let her walk for as long as we had just talked about. I could already feel the battles coming over that...


The most interesting thing is that I was expecting some sort of excitement, or shock, or light-bulb moment from E.R. where I saw that finally everything she had been through now made sense. But it never came. She was so determined to walk that she didn't seem as excited as she usually gets about new experiences. And an uncanny feeling began to wash over me as I realized that I think this girl has understood everything all along. I always assumed she only understood things at a 2 year-old level, in bits and pieces. But as I watched her at Shriners today I realized I was wrong. This kid understood all of the conversation we've had. She recognized what her Cabbage Patch Kid's foot symbolized. I think she got it all...

I think somewhere deep down she was ready for the first day of the rest of her life.

Outpatient Check #2 - Jan. 27

Today, again I trudged into Shriners with all four kids after school. We didn't have to wait long which was nice.

The kids tanked up on granola bars, cheese sticks and juice boxes in the exam room, and listened to an unsolicited lecture on how long they should wash their hands by the nurse. My kids can be such good sports sometimes.


E.R.'s surgeon seemed disappointed that she wasn't more healed. She still has an open wound on the side of her leg that hasn't closed. We set another appointment for 3 weeks from now, hoping that she will be healed by then.

But the big news is in the next post!!!

Prosthetic Appointment #1 - Jan. 20

Today, the little kids and I picked up the boys at school, came home for a snack, and then headed to Shriners for E.R.'s first prosthetic fitting.

J.T. sat in a stroller, and the boys helped me entertain him and give him a bottle.

The prosthetist brought in a mold of something that is similar to what E.R.'s leg will look like. I am still a total novice to this field of medicine/therapy, so it was really hard for me to picture what it will look like eventually. Mostly I just had to trust that she knows what she is doing!

We had a heck of a time getting it to fit on E.R. In fact at first, it just didn't. Apparently E.R.'s leg has swollen quite a bit since surgery, so it is bigger around and without the muscle/bone definition it had when she was originally molded. The swelling will go down, but for now it throws things off a bit.

The funny part is that the leg mold just didn't fit, and fell off a few times. So for the rest of the hour+ that we were there the same scene played over and over:


Our kind and very positive prosthetist would try to get the leg to stay on. E.R. would watch her and then say sadly but firmly, "It don't fit." Then the prosthetist would look in her face, smile at her and try to assure her by saying, "It will fit. I'm DETERMINED to make it fit." E.R. would look at her with sympathy and simply say, "It don't fit." They had this conversation over and over to the point that the prosthetist and I would already be hiding our chuckles before E.R. said "It don't fit". But E.R. saw absolutely no humor in it all. It was like she had some inner knowledge that she was bound to only have one leg the rest of her life, and we were fools to keep trying. The interesting thing is that until the end of our appointment, over an hour later, she was right.

So we had lots of time to amuse ourselves as our prosthetist would leave us, make some adjustments to the test leg, come back, try it, have the same conversation with E.R. again, and then leave to adjust it again. So in the meantime we amused ourselves with the camera...










So the prosthetist was finally fairly happy with the fit. Here is E.R. standing for the first time...





As we were packing up to go, she told me we would only need one more appointment, and not two! That means E.R. will have her new leg in 2 weeks!

Post-Op Outpatient Check-Up #1

Well our girl, being the survivor that she is, surprised the heck out of me on Monday.

She was whining and crying in her crib as she woke up from her nap. When I went in to check on her, she was crying and saying "OW!" I looked down and saw that she had ripped off all the dressing and bandages on her leg and it was bare and bleeding a bit. It was the first time either of us had seen her leg, and I didn't know if the blood was from the unhealed wound, or if she had picked open some stitches!

I spent the next hour and a half trying to get a live person on the phone at Shriners to give us some advice. Chris came home and we bandaged her up again. We were finally told to do just that, and then to bring her in for her already-scheduled appointment Wednesday morning.

So then this morning, J.T., G.J. (who had hurt his eye and was waiting to get into the doctor himself), and I took E.R. into Shriners. Her surgeon was pretty happy overall with how it looked, and now we just need to keep a couple of band-aids on the healing scab.

We went over to the prosthetics lab at the end of the hall and made E.R.'s 3 appointments for that process. At this point she is scheduled to be all done on Feb. 10th.

This girl wants the world to know that she is DONE with recovering! She is ready to get on with her life.

Adoption Decree Headache

I'm sitting with my hot chocolate recovering from the headache I've had since Saturday night when I actually looked carefully at E.R.'s brand new adoption decree.

If you aren't familiar with adoption, once a child is adopted internationally, they generally need to be re-adopted in their state (depending on their state). So all their international paperwork has to be filed in a local court, and then a judge finalizes their adoption in their new state. From this they can get a birth certificate from their state, and a SS card. There are other ways and orders to getting these documents - but that is how we did it.

So on Friday, her decree came in the mail! This means her adoption is recognized here in our Oregon court. Huge waves of relief washed over me to see that piece of paper and to know that process was over.

Then Saturday night I read it carefully and to my horror, I realized that where her birthday should have been, was instead her placement date. That means that according to our new decree E.R. is not 2 1/2 years old, but about 7 months old! Ahhhh!!!

Since this is the process we used to get her an Oregon birth certificate and SS card, I was having huge anxiety about how to halt the paper trail that had been started. The last thing I want is for her birthdate to be 2 years off! I told our pediatrician about it early this morning at J.T.'s appt. and she joked that I would have to homeschool E.R. since there is no way she could wait until she was 7 to start kindergarten, and a school wouldn't register her if she was only 3 on paper! I tried to manage a pained smile to acknowledge her humor, but that was about all I could muster, since at that moment I felt no humor in someone's mistake that created such a huge headache for us.

I decided my best bet was to get over to the courthouse in person to get things straightened out. So I lugged E.R. on my back in my Ergo carrier, and J.T. rode in a little stroller. I smiled kindly but unapologetically at the ugly glares I received from the security guard, knowing full well there is an unwritten rule about bringing kids into a courthouse. I was determined to get those 2 years back for this little girl who had been through too much in her life to be robbed of any of it. And there is NO WAY that she wants to be J.T.'s YOUNGER sister!

So I carried J.T.'s stroller, clutching our adoption documents, down several flights of stairs to the basement. The lady who works down there was definitely shocked to see us coming in the door of her quiet office. I just about knocked her over with kindness - which usually works with grumpy court folks (thank you Lord for all the time I've spent in courthouses). In these situations it usually works to play dumb about any procedures you actually may understand, and just be a really honest, pleasant, confused person in need of the expertise that only the person in front of you can provide. By the time we left she was actually trying to pronounce "Elmo" in response to E.R.'s babbling conversation about her Elmo sticker.

Turns out that the decree is not sent on to the birth certificate office. All of our court documents were correct, so much to my relief, my panic can now subside. E.R. will remain 2 1/2, and our new friend in the courthouse basement whipped up a new, correct adoption decree for us. When she handed it to me, I exclaimed "That is a beautiful thing!!", and she almost smiled.

We headed out into the freezing cold Oregon morning chatting and cheering about how E.R. was 2 again. The attorney walking in front of us turned around to smile as E.R. was yelling "Woo-Hoo!!" and pumping her fist in the air about being 2 again.

It's almost as if she understood everything we just went through - which makes her so much older than 7 months...

7 Week Wound Check and Cast Removal

So yesterday E.R. and I headed into Shriners just before 5:00am. We got set up in the room that we had for her recovery after surgery. I don't think she recognized it, but it brought back memories, some good, many not-so-good to me. We shared the room with a family of a baby with club feet.

The procedure today was to remove her cast and check her healing. Best case scenario was that she would be doing great, they could take the pin out of her ankle bones, prepare the first mold for her prosthetic foot, and simply wrap her in a soft wrap (like an ace bandage). If she wasn't ready, we were probably looking at another cast for 2 weeks. By now I knew we could survive another 2 weeks if it was necessary, but it would be SO nice to be on our way to the next stage! If the best case scenario happened, the surgeon said it would take about an hour. Less than an hour if they couldn't do the mold yet.

E.R. was ready to go home after we had been there about 20 minutes. She got pretty mad at me when I wouldn't put her clothes back on and take her home. A big stuffed My Little Pony helped for awhile.

I carried her sedated little self down about 7:40am. There was some kind of computer glitch with paperwork, I think, so we waited awhile. Then they decided to just go ahead since she had been waiting so long. At 7:50, I left her and returned to the room to wait. The nurse told me I would be called when they began the procedure, but I never got a call. By now, I assume they know what they are doing, and I just chose to rest, since there was a LONG day ahead of me and I had to emotionally prepare for E.R.'s reaction to the anesthesia.

To my surprise about 35 minutes later two nurses came in with a calm, peaceful little E.R. They handed her to me and the prosthetist came in to tell me that everything had gone wonderfully. She made the first mold, and E.R.'s leg looked great. I felt E.R.'s left leg dangling down and realized that she felt lighter because she was CAST-LESS! I had to sit down on the bed with her because the relief just washed over me. As all the shock was wearing off (since I wasn't ready for her to even be done with the procedure - let alone already up here), I also realized that she was completely peaceful and not screaming and thrashing as usual. Part of me was afraid to hope since there was still time for her to fall apart, but the rest of me was realizing this was COMPLETELY different than our last two times coming out of surgery/procedures. The nurse told me that they hadn't had to put her under completely since there was no cutting or stitching needed. So the medication that she doesn't tolerate well was never used!!!! Oh the joy!

I snuggled on the bed with E.R. as I had seen many other parents do post-surgery (and hadn't been able to do with her before!). She was calm and quiet and seemed relieved to see me. There was no trauma, no trying to jump off the bed, just peaceful recovery. Within about 10 minutes she was sitting up, asking for juice, and her clothes, and ready to pack up and go home!

Today she was given a Cabbage Patch doll that she had picked out way before her surgery. The doll had been given an amputation on her left foot, and has a prosthetic foot as close to E.R.'s as possible with a doll. The prosthetist showed her how to put the doll's foot on. E.R. loved it.

We were in the car 4 1/2 hours after arrival. I think both of us felt much lighter!

E.R. has had about 24 hours now to get used to her new leg. She is able to really crawl and play on the floor now, and she can use her left leg for the first time in 7 weeks. She is not going to walk on it for at least a week. But it is fun to see her getting around, and completely comfortable with her leg. She isn't concerned at all. In fact the cast was so annoying that I think she is just 100% relieved to have 2 legs now!

We go back in for a follow-up check with her surgeon in a week. No more inpatient appointments for us!!!

I really think the hardest parts may be over! Thank you for all the prayers and support over the last year, and especially the last 2 months. We are on the home stretch now...

Shriners - 2 week wound check

Yesterday, E.R. went back into Shriners to have her foot checked. J.T., she and I were there at 6am. We took her down where the anesthesiologist put her under at 7:30am. They removed her cast, checked her wound, and then re-casted her leg.

She was back up in our room at about 8:20. I could hear her screaming as they wheeled her off the elevator. Apparently there are some people whose bodies have a terrible time coming off of one of the anesthesia medications. She is one of them. So that explains the extreme reaction we had post-surgery 2 weeks ago. It was the same today. Endless screaming, ripping off of clothes, trying to jump/roll off the bed, trying to hurt me, etc. I think all the staff on the floor came by at least once to see if we were okay. Which we weren't really, but at least I had been through it once with her, and it really is very similar to her most extreme tantrum/rages, which I am very familiar with!

There were 2 things that saved us:

1. I had planned J.T.'s care well (and had a bit of divine help here I'm sure). I nursed him as soon as we got back from taking E.R. down for the procedure. Then he had breakfast, and then I miraculously got him to go to sleep. He slept through almost all of it in the stroller. (He's pretty used to her screaming fits!)

2. We had a fabulous nursing student assigned to us that helped me with everything. She took J.T. when he woke up, and helped with whatever I needed. She is my new best friend...

The surgeon came in to let me know that unfortunately her wound had come open in the cast, They re-stitched it, and now she'll be on antibiotics, since an infection is not what we want. She also needs to continue to stay off of it for 4 weeks. That prospect alone could have killed my morning!

We were there for 4 1/2 hours, and then set out for home. I was absolutely exhausted. I made the mistake of trying to talk to E.R. last evening about going to Shriners. I am a big believer in giving kids as much information as possible that is appropriate for their age. In foster care, I totally believe that kids need us to respect them enough to give them information that is important to their lives - as long as we balance it with their anxiety levels. I guess I underestimated E.R.'s anxiety around hospitalization after the last one. She was up almost the entire night, and screamed most of it. It was the worst night we've had so far with her. J.T. was up most of it too, since they share a room. So by the time we got to Shriners this morning, all 3 of us were exhausted (and I'm sure Chris was just as wiped out at work).

So I've learned my lesson. I now understand better about how extreme E.R.'s anxiety is, and next time I won't be telling her we are on our way to Shriners until we are in the car after a blissfully restful night's sleep. Or maybe I'll even wait until we get to their parking garage.

It's funny how idealistic we can be before the reality of parenting sets in...

So we made it through, and thankfully, E.R. was pretty much back to normal after sleeping on the car ride home. I had worried that she would regress more after being at Shriners again. But I think she was so relieved to not be staying there, that she bounced back pretty quickly.

Now we just need to continue to keep her off of her leg, so it can heal.

Day 3 - Home

We had a quiet afternoon, and figured out how we were going to do this at home! E.R. got to lay on the couch (we usually have designated for clean laundry :) and watched videos. She slept for awhile when she got home. She was so relieved, that she just passed out. Her grandpa came to visit, but she kept sleeping. She woke up when the boys came home and was pretty excited to be in the center of things once again.

Chris caught her standing next to the couch at one point, and we decided that a stroller might be a better idea, since she couldn't get out on her own.

We had dinner together and tried to emotionally recover from the week.

It was so good to be home!

E.R. slept pretty well that night. Her room is next to ours and I hear everything. She was so much more peaceful than at the hospital. I think her pain is also getting progressively better by the day. So she was up once right at the four-hour mark for her medicine and then went right to sleep. She got up four hours later which was just about the time we normally get up. I felt like it had been a really good night. I think J.T. actually woke up more than she did. We are on our way back to "normal"!

Day 3 - Going Home!

The morning was mostly waiting around for preparations to go home. Another family joined us in our room with their very young baby. So we decided that E.R. would have her procedures done elsewhere since there was no way the baby could sleep through E.R.'s screaming.

Chris took her to have her I.V. taken out. I had to give her dose of medicine in the hall, and her cast had to be re-done elsewhere. Ah - the challenges of having a really loud little girl! There was some miscommunication between the staff about how E.R.'s cast was to be done, so we had to have it re-done twice. I took her the 2nd time. Chris needed a break by then. We had our discharge meeting in the hall, since E.R. was still whiny and loud, and by then we were SO ready to go home!!

Chris, E.R., J.T. and I headed out. It was amazing to have this over. It had been a year since the phone call that changed all of our lives. Today was exactly 6 months to the day that Chris, Gabe, and Margie met E.R. for the first time. And here we were, completely done with the surgery we had been anticipating and worrying about for the last year. It was rough, but as always, it could have worse. And we survived!

Night 2 - Recovery

E.R. and I watched movies and talked until about 9:00 pm. Strawberry Shortcake is her new favorite. I tried to get her to eat, but only succeeded with a couple of bites of peppermint oreo. She seemed quite content to just hold the cookie until it was soft and mushy, and I traded it for a fresh one. She is drinking lots of juice and chocolate milk, though.

At about 9:00p.m., her nurse came in and we gave her the narcotic. Afterwards, E.R. ate a few bites of chocolate ice cream as a reward and was very happy about that! She seemed tired, so I got everything ready and told her it was time to go to bed. She seemed relieved, and within about 20 minutes, she was asleep. She awoke quite a bit, panicky and calling for me, but would quiet down and go back to sleep. She actually slept for periods of time tonight instead of just sort of zoning out like last night.

At around 5:15 she woke up and seemed uncomfortable. We had an hour to kill until her next dose, which was a rough hour. I held her, we sang, tried a video, but nothing worked. She was really mad. The trouble was that no one came with her next dose. I went out to the nurse's station twice, and called with the call button twice. I even opened her door so the nurses could hear her screaming. I felt bad for any other patients nearby, but I wasn't sure what else to do at that point. Finally the charge nurse brought it and apologized. Apparently our nurse had been busy. I held her until she was calm, and then she seemed comfortable and was able to watch a movie. It took me much longer to calm down from my frustration with the nursing staff...

When the doctors came around, our surgeon told me that he felt like we were ready to go home. I had heard a rumor of that the night before, but it so nice to hear it officially. After this morning I felt like I could manage E.R.'s pain better at home where I have access to the pain medicine and we don't have to wait, ask for help, and wait longer. Plus my breastfeeding had been pretty thrown off with the hospitalization and not being able to nurse J.T., so by now I was in quite a bit of pain myself!

I called Chris to tell him the news. We were going home!!

Day 2 - Recovery

So this morning, E.R. finally fell asleep after taking her new pain medication. She slept just under two hours. By then Chris and J.T. were there and we had a nice morning. E.R. seemed much more comfortable when she woke up.

We continued to watch movies on the DVD player. Yesterday she was so miserable right after surgery that I decided we needed more options. When I went home with the boys yesterday evening, I stopped by Blockbuster and stocked up on Barney, Caillou, Dora, and Strawberry Shortcake. It was the best $8.00 I have every spent!

E.R. is still really bothered by the I.V. in her hand. I totally know how she feels! All 3 times I've given birth, that hand I.V. is up there among the worst parts of my experience every time. Despite what they always say - it DOES hurt, and is a constant reminder that you aren't in control of your body and movement. And she may think it'll be there now forever.

The four of us actually had a calm morning compared to anytime yesterday. E.R. still doesn't seem bothered by her cast or her leg - although we've been told she is probably in quite a bit of pain. My mom always worked in hospitals as I grew up, so I'm pretty comfortable in this environment. But I still don't quite understand all the meds that E.R. is on. I think there are 3 pain meds, although they tapered off the morphine throughout today. The main one is a narcotic that is a liquid she needs to swallow. The first couple of doses yesterday with Chris and a nurse she spit everywhere. They tried mixing it in food like applesauce and pudding. But E.R. is Ethiopian and she doesn't like the texture of most American kid-friendly food. She still won't eat any fruit but bananas and grapes. So the mixing ideas never work for her.

Last night I had to force her to take the medicine. That is never fun for anyone, but I suppose that's what makes parents different from everyone else. We have to look out for our child's best interest and long-term journey and we can't ignore what they need to get there! So we continued the narcotic force-feeding every four hours. At about every 3 hours, E.R. would become irritable and whiny. Then usually a half hour later she was crying, yelling, and really mad. We usually had to hold her next to her I.V. stand to make it to our 4 hour mark for her next dose.

We were able to take E.R. for a wagon ride around the floor this afternoon. She was nervous at first, but really enjoyed seeing people and visiting the school where the older kids were. It took Chris, the nurse, and me to maneuver everything for the trip, but it was worth it. The problem is that E.R. fell apart when we got back to her room. I think it was a combination of stress, confusion, and I think she may have thought we were heading home. The idea of getting back in the bed was more than she could bear. She was REALLY mad!

Chris' mom came to the hospital around lunchtime at the tail-end of E.R.'s post-ride rage. That helped since E.R. loves her grandma so much that it was hard for her to stay mad. We decided that she would stay with E.R. for a few hours while Chris and I went home. I still hadn't slept and the older boys had early release today.

I slept for just a short time at home, but it was a deep sleep and felt good. We had dinner at home and then I headed back to the hospital for the night.

While Margie was with E.R., there was a volunteer who came in to play guitar for the kids and he played softly in E.R.'s room. She actually fell asleep again for almost 2 hours! He probably had no idea what a gift he gave to all of us.

The first night in a couple of her fitful states, E.R. turned to me and said, "cookie." So I brought some cookies when I came back for the night. Margie stayed for awhile and then left us. E.R. and I settled in for the night. She hadn't eaten much of anything all day and was very happy to see the cookies. She didn't eat any, but held one in her hand until the next morning. I prayed that there would be some sleep ahead of us.

Day 1 - Post-Surgery

Once E.R. came out of her foggy state, we had quite an afternoon. For the first hour she cried, screamed, tried to pull out the IV in her hand, elbowed me to get off the bed, and tried to climb out of it. Chris and I exchanged glances as we tried to calm her. I don't know what he was thinking, but I was thinking: "okay-here we go with 'worst-case-scenario'".

Fortunately, after an hour or so she started calming. It also took two rounds of morphine. She didn't seem to notice her casted leg at this point. She was completely fixated on her arm with the IV.

She was talking and cheerful for awhile after that, watching an Elmo movie on the laptop Chris brought. I left to go get the boys from school. She slept for about 15 minutes and Grandma left too. Then she started her fitful, restless state. She would zone out for 90 seconds or so, appearing to sleep, then thrash around crying and whining. She did eat a lot, though, which was really good.

I relieved Chris at around 7:00, and he took J.T. home for the night. E.R. watched movies on the laptop until about 10:00, and I was sure she pass out from exhaustion at that point.

But the night was rough.

She continued the 90 second cycle through the night. We tried everything. She had so much pain medicine in her system. Every time, the nurses would assure me that "this will do it", and nothing seemed to phase her. I laid next to her in a chair-bed holding her hand most of the night. It was hard because none of us really knew what was pain, what was fear from being in a new place, what was anger from being hooked up to stuff, and what was the anesthesia going through her system.

Her nurse practitioner came early the next morning. She changed one of her pain meds, and told me that some kids don't sleep at all the first night. I sure wish someone could have told me that at the beginning of the night! She also said that E.R.'s little leg was probably throbbing terribly. Apparently there isn't much worse than bone pain like this. I'm sure that major burns are worse, but maybe not much else can touch this kind of pain. She also prepared us that most kids "hit a wall" on day 2 or day 3, so we should be prepared for that. I feel prepared now...

So we started the day completely exhausted. But I was so glad the first night was over! E.R. had made it through a very major procedure and the initial recovery that would have been a lot for an adult to handle. Our little 2 year-old, who is so small in her hospital bed, is doing amazingly well, especially considering she doesn't really understand much of what is happening around her. She is a resilient survivor. I can't wait to see what she does with this life...

Day 1 - Surgery

Chris took E.R. into Shriner's by 6:30. They gave her a sedative around 8:15. Chris held her in the holding room until they took her into surgery at 8:45. Margie (grandma) got there about 8:55, and J.T and I got there at 9:00. We were both stuck in major traffic after an accident.

E.R.'s actual surgery started at 9:30. At 10:55 we were called to the recovery room. It was over! So fast. She was very groggy and mostly sleeping. We immediately noticed a cast over most of her leg, which hadn't been the plan. The surgeon came in to talk with us. Apparently her two leg bones were fused at the bottom - very rare and none of her X-rays showed it. So once they were in there, they did have to take some of her bone. She now has a pin through her leg that is protected by the cast.

We were a little relieved by the cast at first - at least that she would have a much harder time hurting her leg. But then we realized that her pain will be much greater as this was truly an amputation now, and her recovery longer before she is able to have her prosthetic foot.

After the doctor spoke with us, Chris carried her up to her room. A year after receiving the phone call about a little 16-month old girl who needed medical help, and staring at the emailed picture of her foot - the surgery was over!

Shriners - Pre-Surgery Appointment

So E.R., J.T. and I spent another 3 hours at Shriners Children's Hospital last Thursday. We met more people than I can remember. And of course, E.R. was the princess of the place. People came to our exam room just to see her because everyone was buzzing about how amazing she is. I was very proud of her. She didn't get grouchy until the end. She even went in and let the surgeon show her to a group of medical students in a lecture hall.

She got her first two My Little Ponies which were a big hit. She got a medical kit so we could play doctor and surgery this weekend, and after she comes home.

I love Shriners. Everything is designed to help kids feel comfortable. And we haven't even stayed there yet!

Tonight we had a little party to celebrate E.R.'s last night with her foot, and our last night together for awhile. She can cheer "Shriners!" and knows that she is going there tomorrow and it has something to do with her foot. Beyond that, I'm not sure what she understands. We had a good night. We prayed over her and I so wish we had a picture of that. She was so cute in her P.J.s with her hands folded in the middle of us. She kept checking to her left and right to make sure her brothers were still praying for her. She definitely felt special!

So Chris is taking E.R. in tomorrow morning while I get the older boys off to school. Then J.T. and I will join them. We believe the surgery will be about 2 hours. It looks like she will be there until Thursday, but everything depends on how she is doing.

She is the strongest, most resilient 2 year-old I've ever met. I believe she will do great. But it will be hard to see her in pain. And I care very deeply about how she feels about losing her foot. I know that Shriners knows how to do this, so we will take their lead.

We are thankful for this little girl that has brightened our family in so many ways. Exactly one year ago we were contemplating her adoption and whether we should take the leap. I shake my head that we ever considered NOT taking that leap. Exactly 6 months ago tomorrow, Chris, his mom, and G.J. got on the plane that started their journey to Ethiopia. And now tomorrow morning we take her into the hospital to get her the care that is the reason for her adoption and journey to America.

God's plan and timing are truly amazing.