"Ow"

Yesterday was one of those days. Nothing seemed to be going right. I was tired after 3 weeks with no clothes washer (that's for another post!), and the kids were at each other's throats. It didn't seem like anyone could do anything without another kid arguing or fighting them. Of all the challenges in parenting, kids yelling, arguing, and hurting each other can push me over the edge faster than anything.

With foster care we have no control over what kids have experienced before they come to us. Our kids have to adjust to new behaviors with each placement, and they've picked up some of their own along the way. No matter how well a kid is doing overall, anger pushes them to revert back to old ways of coping faster than anything else. And who knows better how to get them angry than a sibling?

The older 4 were supposed to clean their rooms for the coming visit from grandparents. But as usual the banishment upstairs to clean alternated between yelling and crying at the behavior of another kid, to complete fun as they played together, making their rooms messier. As I started to feel REALLY sorry for myself that we had so many kids so close in age all squished into 2 bedrooms, the noise upstairs increased.

I picked up our 17 month-old and tried to climb over the baby gate on the stairs without either of us falling. (This kid can climb anything to get into something he isn't supposed to get into - 1st he figured out how to get out of his pack-n-play, then a baby yard, then the baby gate at the bottom of the stairs.) Now we have the gate set up on the first step since he can't climb that high yet, but it is virtually impossible for me to climb over without pulling something. But often, I am too impatient to take it down.

So on this occasion, I hefted both of us over it, and hurt my foot somehow in going over. I fell onto the stairs in pain, managing to save Little Guy from injury. I was too hurt and upset to cry, so there was mostly moaning as I tried to figure out how my life became so ridiculous. I opened my eyes to see Little Guy looking at me half in concern and half in amusement. He reached over and gently stroked my face, saying "Ow". In that instant most of my frustration and self-pity melted. Somehow in all of the chaos of kids and fights and ridiculous baby-proofing that has become my life, Little Guy has learned something about empathy.

Today I am trying to take more deep breaths to remind myself of what really matters, and of all the fantastic teaching opportunities that exist when living with siblings. Too bad they won't appreciate them until they're my age.