Perspective - Lessons from December

Have you ever been through a short season in life where everything goes wrong? All the little things you take for granted in life, are suddenly taken from you? And you are left wandering a bit, trying to regain your footing, and wondering what might be next? It is in these times that I think I learn the most about my perspective on life, and what my perspective possibly should be instead.

We had one of these times this last December. If I were to write everything that happened, you wouldn't believe it (unless this has happened to you). I'll share a taste of what our life became:

The first major thing came the first week of December. I was driving from a kid appointment on the freeway. The kids were in a good space, great song on the radio, and there was a bit of sun shining down. Out of nowhere we hit a coyote going 70 miles an hour. I'll spare you the details, but after checking the damage to our front-end, I drove back to check on the animal. He was dead, and somehow as I knelt to look at him, something in me broke. I am an animal-person, a dog-person, and a wild-animal-person. Out of all of the animals that I could have accidentally killed, this coyote was the most traumatic. I immediately realized that I couldn't leave him there. The only thing that felt right was to honor the life that I took by burying him with love and tears. I picked him up and placed him in the van for the 5-minute drive home. M.C. and I buried him on our property, praying and talking about animals and what happens when they die - to their body and their spirit. He was one of the most beautiful animals I've ever seen, and it is the only time I've ever touched a wild dog. What I didn't know is that this was only the beginning.

A few days later our entire family was in a car accident with the same car. We were hit head-on after the truck in front of us spun around on the ice. No one was hurt, but one of the kids lost a tooth she was wiggling. M.C. still asks me not to get on the freeway!!

With our trusty MPV out of service, Chris loaded up our old vanagon with carseats. The next day it broke down on me with all 5 kids in it. Chris came to rescue us in one of his agency's vans. One of the many challenging things about having more than 3 kids is that you need a car big enough for everyone! This thing is enormous - like driving a small town. To top it off the power steering is broken, so it is nearly impossible to turn at low speeds. I resolved myself to make the most of the situation. The next morning when I got in, the driver's door broke. It no longer closed. It worked fine when Chris drove it out to our town, and also when he started it up for me that morning. But as soon as I got in, it decided never to latch again. This meant that I was driving a monster van with no power steering, and I needed to hold the door closed when we went around corners. As I was driving kids to school that morning I turned the corner where the border patrol always sits. I was nervous to get the thing around the sharp corner and forgot to hold the door. The door swung out so far I couldn't catch it until we were straight again - all in front of the BP officer!

After 2 days of this, we found out that our MPV wouldn't be fixed as quickly as promised. We decided to rent a van. We returned the big rig to Chris' work, and picked up a mini-van. That afternoon as I waited for the school bus, the border patrol officer pulled over to have a chat with me about my suspicious behavior. Apparently most people don't drive multiple vehicles in a week, and we do happen to live on the border. When I tried to calmly explain that I was here every day at 3:10, he assured me that he had never seen me before. To my surprise, I felt defensive when he questioned me. I am one of the last people that would ever hurt this country. If I hadn't chosen to build a house on the nations' border, I am positive the government would not have noticed or cared what vehicles I might be driving. As I finally told him about our accident, he skeptically seemed to deem me trustworthy, and I'm sure it helped that right at that moment the school bus appeared with 2 blessed kids who may have kept my defensive soul out of the border detention center. I am ashamed to admit I can't remember when I was that happy to see them!

So the next morning, our rented mini-van broke down on me as I drove through an intersection! I drove it back to the rental company and exchanged it for their last mini-van. On the return trip, M.C. and I got stuck for an hour and a half behind an accident on the freeway. We sat there on the freeway, and I realized I had absolutely no faith in this newest van. As I returned to our town with yet another van, I prayed that the border patrol officer from the day before had this day off!!

There were many smaller things that happened that week that led to my feelings of having virtually no control over the circumstances in my life. Our MPV was in the shop a total of 3 weeks. When we finally got it, something had malfunctioned in the driver's lock. This meant that when we tried to unlock it, the alarm (that we didn't know we had) went off. Unfortunately, we didn't know how to get it turned off. It took the shop an entire day to fix it. There is still a part that needs to be finished in the passenger door, but I can't bear the thought of taking it back in!

During that week, I learned that when something goes wrong, there may be something worse coming next! I was also reminded that I am not to depend on much in my life. I can depend on God to get me through what happens. But other than that, I need to take each day at a time. Of course we need to make plans in life, but we also need to remember that we aren't in control. This time made us cut back on things. We didn't make unnecessary trips, and I canceled all appointments. We prioritized, with work and school being the only places that we determined were absolutely necessary. It allowed us to rest a bit, even in the stress of things going wrong. In my hurried life, I really needed that.

By the end of the week, I also realized how thankful I was. Each of the things that went wrong, could have been so much worse. And in most of them, we could have been hurt badly. If I hadn't been paying attention, with both hands on the wheel when we hit the coyote - or if I had seen him and tried to swerve, we would have driven off the freeway. Our car accident was on the border truck crossing, and at least 50 semi-trucks whizzed pass us as we waited for the state patrol. If any one of them had slipped on the ice and slid into us, not one of us would be here today. M.C. and I were stuck behind a bad accident, and the next night Chris couldn't get home in time for basketball practice because of an accident that took up the freeway. How thankful I am that in both situations we hadn't been a couple of minutes farther down the road. We were stuck behind the accidents, and not in them. Even as my life felt so out of control, the God of the universe was present through it all. It was a time of teaching and growth, but not tragedy.

But the main thing that I etched into my heart is that through all circumstances the one thing I can control is my attitude. Sure feelings like fear, anger, and sadness are necessary. But after the initial event has happened, how I choose to respond to it affects everyone around me. I learned to laugh when things go wrong. When I returned our first rental van, I found myself chatting with the rental staff. I was neither angry nor impatient nor resentful. That event alone took up my whole morning. But I decided that it was an opportunity for my life to intersect with theirs. And M.C. and I decided to go to our favorite discount store since we had already made the trip in. I decided to celebrate the extra time at home that week, instead of worrying over rescheduling appointments. I prayed more with my kids that week, than I had in the many weeks before. The fear I felt at the beginning of the week (over what might come next) evaporated and I found myself choosing a spirit of humor and joy in everything going wrong. By the next day, I could actually laugh as I told friends about my interrogation by the border patrol. I realized that none of these events was life-altering. People all over the world are losing loved ones to war, famine, and disease. People lose their entire communities to genocide, and children pray in orphanages to once again feel the love and care of a parent. What I was going through was merely inconvenience, and in humility it should be recognized as such.

What I've taken into my perspective on life, is that our kids watch everything. I've decided that what I want them to remember about their mom is that she laughed often and found something to celebrate even in the most impossible circumstances. When my journey is over, I want my kids to remember a mom who looked at life with peace, and without fear. I want them to have that peace to hold onto when their lives are ridiculously out of their control. In our privileged nation the line between inconvenience and tragedy is too often blurred. I want my kids to know the difference.