My Kids - M.C.

M.C. is intense. super-smart, funny, imaginative, and embraces life head-on. We have seen such dramatic changes in him during the last two weeks, it is honestly breathtaking. He has a kind heart and always looks forward to bringing new kids into our lives, but struggles with how to navigate the relationships and changes that follow. He longs for friendships, but sometimes feels lost with how to share that friendship with the other kid! He is the most physical kid I've ever met. He experiences life through his physical senses, although his brain is always working and processing at the same time. His emotions are intense, and we always know where he is at emotionally, although sometimes his moods change with lightening speed.

Matt was a big baby. He came out screaming and embraced his new life loudly. His birth was very long and difficult for me, but he didn't really seem to notice! He immediately knew how to eat, so unlike his brother. He actually gained a pound a week for his first 8 weeks, making him over 17 pounds at 2 months! He didn't sleep through the night once before he was 2 1/2, and we still find him in our bed often in the mornings to this day. He had breathing issues at 5 weeks and he and I went through an ultrasound of his entire heart. It was nice to know for sure that his heart was healthy! The breathing issues at the time were probably because he gained weight faster than his little lungs could grow! Although he did develop asthma later, and we had a couple of scary trips to the emergency room. He has rocked our world in every way!

I also did not feel an immediate bond with this little guy, but this time I was expecting it. I was so drained of everything in my body (including blood) that after he was born I really struggled. In the hospital room a day or two after his birth he was lying in the bassinet, crying, and I looked over at him and realized I could barely move. My body was still in shock from his traumatic birth. But there was no one else around. Chris had gone home to spend a couple of hours with little G.J. and it was just M.C. and me. I prayed for strength, and then told myself that it was my job to care for this baby whether I had the energy or not. No one else could give him what he needed. And if it killed me, I wouldn't let him suffer because his mom wasn't strong enough to birth him! So I willed all the strength in my weak body, lifted him out, and laid him next to me. That took all the strength I had, so for the next two hours I talked to him. I only had the energy to speak, so speak I did. I told him about everything. Life, the world, his dad and brother, his house, and what I hoped his life would be like. He laid there calmly the whole time, staring at my face, soaking in all I could give him. It was during this time, that my love and bond to him began to creep over me. I was too exhausted to feel anything, but I willed myself to do what he needed and deserved, and the love started to grow. I have often wondered if that afternoon is part of why he is always the most at peace when he is laying next to one of his parents.

M.C. is complicated and challenging. Chris and I have sought parenting help because everything that has worked with G.J. and all the foster kids we have had, does not work with M.C. Chris is a behavior specialist, and has worked in a tough day treatment program. I have been trained in 4 different parenting models (2 through my work), and settled on Love and Logic for our family. I have been a Love and Logic parenting class instructor for the last year, and I am honest with my classes. - I may be leading the class, but that is only because I have spent so much time learning how to use the techniques. I still struggle every day with how to parent my kids! I write all this because Chris and I are not naive or new to challenging kids. But M.C. is a personal challenge to us, and we often feel weak and really bad at this job!

Foster care has definitely added challenges to M.C.'s understanding of life. One evening his grandparents were babysitting and M.C. got in trouble. During his time in his room he opened a small jar of paint and poured out piles of it on his bedroom carpet. When his grandpa and G.J. saw what he had done, G.J. exclaimed "We have got to find him a new family!" This comment still makes me smile because it illustrates how different my kids have grown up from anyone in a non-foster family. But I also wonder how much of M.C.'s behavior is to figure out how far he needs to push in order to move away like all the other kids.

I really believe that we sometimes struggle the most for the most worthwhile parts of life. God doesn't hand us all of our blessings on a plate saying "here you go, I did all the work for you". The best marriages require intense work and constant upkeep. The most fulfilling careers are the ones we really work at. The most beautiful masterpieces of art were painstakingly labored over. So I know without a doubt, that this kid is worth it all.

Sometimes I just picture him in 15 years, and what I want my relationship with him to be. It helps me muster the strength to get through the tough days. He will do incredible things with his life. I know every parent considers their child to be brilliant, but in this case, I'm pretty sure it can be proven. His gifting is extraordinary, and I intend to be at his side! For all the scary times and tears that Chris and I have experienced in trying to figure out this kid, I honestly can't imagine life without him! He has brought humility, depth, and intense prayer to our lives! Watching him blossom in the last two weeks as he is realizing that he is secure in his family, and truly isn't a foster child, has been worth it all.