And I definitely would be feeling some post-placement panic. If you aren't familiar with that, it is a bit like post-partum depression. Some people call it depression, and it can really feel like it. Chris and I have felt it quite a few times after a foster placement. For me, the term "panic" describes it better. It is more anxiety -based with lots of crazy thoughts running through my mind - like "what have I done?", etc. But I know myself pretty well, and can predict the rhythms of this life, so I took a lot of deep breaths, and smiled when I didn't feel like it, and laughed when I really wanted to cry. And we got through it.
E.R. woke up kind of a mess. She needed to be held at all times. If I had to put her down at all, she would scream until I picked her up again - which might be 20 minutes. Unfortunately for her, I still have a little guy that needs to be fed, changed, and tended to, and he has some screaming tendencies of his own since he also prefers to be held. But E.R.'s screaming is the wail of anguish and anger that is hard to hear. Juggling the two was very difficult today.
I got her in for a 1:00 appt. in the pediatric clinic to get her lungs and ears checked. We barely made it through the morning. Right before the appt. (that I naively hoped would go just fine with my youngest 3), my neighbor graciously offered to help by picking up a babysitter that could go with us and help. I thought, why not? She can push J.T. in the stroller and talk to M.C. So we set out.
Now I have been to lots of stressful doctor appts. with little kids. I've had them in carriers, double strollers, an older one pushing younger one, I'm pretty good at preparing for success. This one knocked the wind out of me. I hadn't even finished her paperwork when J.T. woke up crying. He soon started screaming. I ran to the bathroom to change him, leaving my new friend with M.C. and E.R. Well, J.T. didn't stop. I had intended to do all the care for E.R. during this appt. but had to watch since the only way to stop J.T.'s screaming was to nurse him. Fortunately, E.R. really liked our new friend, which was a miracle because she doesn't usually want much to do with strangers. Maybe she knew she had limited options under the circumstances. By the end of the appt. our pediatrician was taking deep breaths to manage the anxiety of our group!
Then we had to wait for what seemed like forever until E.R.'s stool sample kit was ready. We were all exhausted by the time we made it out of the building. We dropped off our babysitter, picked up G.J. from school, then had to go to 2 pharmacies to get her medicine because the doctor's office had sent the prescription to the wrong one! By the time we got home it was time for dinner and M.C.'s baseball game.
I was proud of myself for remaining calm and cheerful through it all, rewarding M.C. for his patience, and showing E.R. that this family is all right. Then during dinner she had a massive explosion of diarrhea... Not only was the process to clean it up basically unmentionable here, she panicked and got it all over her. Into the bath she went. The problem was I hadn't had time to slowly and calmly introduce her to bathtubbing. She is terrified! So that was traumatic for us both. She and I never made it to the baseball game...
She passed out from exhaustion at about 6:30 and slept until 7:30 the next morning with just a few whines in her sleep. I prayed that the antibiotic would help her ears by tomorrow!
1 comment:
Oh Carrie-- I wish I had known and could have helped. I so know that scream and we still deal with it at times now. It is an unusual cry and very hard to hear and hard for a mama heart. I do think it has to do with trauma and change. M has it also during night terrors and that has been so sad. I admire your cheer in the midst of a hard day. I am proud of you!
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